Getting old sucks!

Okay, so everyone already knows that…at least everyone my age or older. But the indignities just keep coming!

English: Animation show front, group and phase...

I mean, ten years ago I didn’t even know what a vitreous was, or that it could collapse inside my eye, leaving me with “debris” in my field of vision that moves roughly at the speed of light every single time my eye moves.

Joining that are periodic slashes of light in my upper periphery, which I’m told is the still-attached portion of the membrane pulling on my retina. Oh, joy! So, if I start to see the pretty lights in bright daylight, or if the “debris” becomes “a lot” (how does one measure “a lot”?), then I must seek help immediately.

pretty lights

I’ve never been a hypochondriac–in fact, just the opposite. I use all my creativity to stay away from doctors, usually until I’m so sick I can’t resist being dragged to the clinic by my friends. And those tests and so-called cures that are worse than the disease? Sorry — ain’t happening!

Somewhere there should be a list of all the incredibly inconvenient things still to look forward to, just so I can be prepared. It’s hard enough to watch your muscles atrophy, the skin on your cheeks sag into jowls, and hair grow where hair was never meant to grow. We shouldn’t have to add lousy surprises to the list of things an old person gets.

Oh, and you young people who can still remember things without a list…that’s not going to last forever either!


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